Thursday, February 4, 2016

Healing.



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First off, I want to thank each and every one of you who reached out to me in the last few weeks, gave me love, shared stories of loss, or simply asked me if I was doing okay. You have no idea how much your support has meant to me. You brought light into my life when I needed it the most.❤️

To answer your questions: I'm okay! I'm doing much better than I was a few weeks ago. 
(For those who don't know: I suffered a miscarriage followed by a D&C. I didn't post about it on here. But I briefly talked about it on my Instagram account.) Thankfully, I've been very busy at work. Which I'm grateful for because it has helped keep my mind off things. And not entirely intentionally, I ended up taking a few weeks off my blog and IG. Without making it sound overly dramatic, every small step that I've taken has felt like a victory. The first two weeks after my MC my only goal was to get out of bed every morning and go to work. That's it. I was incredibly sad and overwhelmed with everything. So, facing the world every day even though I felt like a zombie inside seemed like a gargantuan task. The fluctuating hormones definitely didn't help either.
I spent those first couple of weeks as a useless lump on the couch, completely enveloped in grief. John, my husband, went into superhero mode and somehow kept life chugging along for the both of us. I truly believe that if it wasn't for him, our families, our incredibly thoughtful friends and neighbors, and my understanding boss and co-workers, I would probably still be in that place.  

The last couple of weeks have been better and I have felt like I've been getting closer to a version of me that existed before all of this. I haven't really done anything more than going to work and running a few errands here and there. But I am able to feel happiness again. I am laughing again. I've stopped crying every time I think about it. This week I even got back to my normal gym routine, which was a huge step for me. I missed all my friends and missed feeling strong.

Time, love, and being given the space to just BE has tremendously helped. Four weeks ago I truly thought that I would never feel normal again. But every day I feel more and more like myself. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm grateful for where I am today compared to then. John and I are even planning a trip to get away from it all for a few days. And after feeling like the bottom completely fell out from under us, it's nice to be able to look forward to something happy and tangible in the near future.

So, thank you thank you thank you for all of your love and positive energy. And thank you for hanging around here even though posting has been sparse. I have a number of things planned for the blog.
So there's lots to look forward to!

Wishing you infinite amounts of happiness
Love,
Yasi

76 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about this .. However, I'm really really glad that you are healing emotionally...I wish you nothing but happiness and positivity in your life ...

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  2. Long time reader here, I had missed you and just figured the holidays caused some time away. I'm so sorry to hear about everything that happened, but am glad you are okay. I will keep you in my prayers. You'll get through this and be stronger and happier than before.

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  3. So sorry about your loss. My sister had miscarriage 8 years ago, and she had some very hard time coping with her loss. She was convinced that all is lost. Now, she has 1, 2, 3 beautiful, smart, loud, healthy children! :) Hope you get well soon!

    Feel free to visit my blog, darling: http://sunmoonstyle.blogspot.co.at/2016/02/white-faux-fur-collar-and-leopard.html

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    1. Thank you for the uplifting story about your sis! <3

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  4. Yasi, my heart breaks for you and your husband and your loss. I had a MC in 2014 (my first pregnancy). There are so many of us out there that have suffered this particular grief. I don't mean to minimize your loss - the opposite actually. I mean to say you are not alone even though it might feel that way. Not many women talk about their MC but we're here and we know how much it sucks. It was an awful experience that tested my physical and emotional strength. I thought I would always feel broken and shattered after mine but eventually you pick yourself up. It sounds like you're getting there. Good for you! You're stronger than you know.

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    1. Thank you so much, Karen. I'm so sorry you went through the same thing. Sending you so much love. <3

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  5. Praying for you and your husband during this time!! <3 Stay strong!!

    xoxo A
    www.southernbelleintraining.com

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  6. Yasi,

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are so strong to share your experience with us. I wish and I pray for strength and happiness for you and your husband!

    Teodora

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  7. *hugs* I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your child, it's an unfair hand to be dealt. We lost our first pregnancy as well, I felt like we were back at square one after trying for so long. It's the loss of dreams and hopes too, you're mourning a lot all at once! I'm glad you felt it though, you need to cry and you need to scream and you need to yell that it's not fair. I believe you don't grow from your grief if you don't look it in the eyes and accept that it's there.

    I hope you find peace and I hope you get your happy back.

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    1. Thanks so much, Tarah. I'm so sorry you experience the same thing. Sending you so much love and happy thoughts. <3

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  8. I think this is my first time commenting. Love your blog and was wondering what had happened. Praying for you.

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  9. I am so sorry to hear this. You are such a strong woman and it looks as if you have a great support team with you! Prayers go out to you and your husband! xxoo

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  10. I can't believe I missed your post on IG, but if you ever want to talk, I too suffered a miscarriage recently (October). It was, and still is, the most devastating thing that has ever happened, and no matter what good-intentioned people might say, nothing helps the feelings of anger, numbness, pain, and whatever other emotions I felt, lessen. The last few months have been so hard, and yes I definitely know the struggle just to get out of bed in the morning.
    It took me awhile to stop crying, but even after a few months, little things remind me of what could have been. Don't be surprised if you are fine for awhile and something random makes you relive all of those emotions, again. Let yourself feel them, and know that it means you care, that you are healing, and will continue to heal, but it may take longer (or shorter) than what you originally thought.
    I am here for you, and praying for you!!

    lots of love,
    Whitley

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  11. OH, I am so sorry. I had missed you but just thought you were working on something. Turns out, you were working hard just to exist. Please know that your support system extends far wider than you probably can imagine.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Beth. That means a lot to me! <3

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  12. I'm so sorry Yasi! Sending lots of love your way.

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  13. Sending love to both you and your husband. I am so sorry for your loss. I too missed the post on IG. Glad you are on your way to healing physically and emotionally. Wishing you happier days ahead and look forward to more of your posts. Sending love and hugs.

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  14. Hi Yasi, I'm glad to hear that you are progressing with the healing process. I wish you a continued peaceful and restful recovery. Blessings to you😃

    Leah

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  15. So sorry to read this sad news. Prays and blessings to you and your husband x

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  16. So sorry to hear about this Yasi...I'm thinking of you and your family during this hard time.

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  17. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and the trauma you and John have been through, I can't even imagine. I am so glad you have each other to hold on to, you sound like such a wonderful team. I wish you both healing, physical and emotional, and I send you many heart-healing hugs.

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  18. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers up for you.

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  19. Been there as well, and the grief really can be truly overwhelming. So glad you are starting to feel better. One day at a time. Prayers for continued healing for you both!

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    Replies
    1. I am so sorry you've been through it too. Sending you so much love <3

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  20. Hi Gorgeous, God has a plan for your life. Don't throw in the towel, its food you are headed back to the gym, take care of yourself. The gym always has helped me, when I lost my mom 3 years ago. I thought it was the end of the world, when I think of her, I let the tears roll and keep pushing through. You must do the same. :) Blessings

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    1. Thanks so much, Mary. It really is my place of therapy! :)

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    2. Also, so sorry about your mom. Sending you lots of love. <3

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  21. I'm glad to hear that you're starting to feel better. I know it's a process and you will still have ups and downs ahead. Thinking of you.

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  22. I had two miscarriages. One at 12 weeks with twins and another at 9 weeks.The first was very traumatic and the second was just as devastating, but I at least I knew what was happening.I didn't want to experience a third. I immediately called a fertility clinic and told a small white lie about having three. My ob-gyn let me in on a little secret. If you say the magic number 3, it is covered by insurance and they will see you. You also have to say we've been "trying for over a year" or more. I could not sustain a pregnancy without these really gross vaginal inserts. Anyways...it was a rocky road. Miscarriages, needles, vaginal suppositories that ruined lots underwear (even with liners) and some pants. It took another year, but my husband and I welcomed our daughter and then 18 months later our son.

    My only advice (and I know nothing will take away the hurt)...you will get there. Motherhood will happen. For some it is an easy journey, and for others it takes much more. Whatever it takes...

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    1. Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. :( But, so happy you now have two beautiful children. Thank you for the love. <3

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  23. Oh my Yasi...I am so sorry for your loss. Mine was at 12 weeks, and I remember it well...35 years later. I am glad that you are doing better and send hugs to you and John for your continued physical and emotional recovery.

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    1. Thank you so much. I am so sorry that you know the pain. Sending you so much love. <3

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  24. Oh no - I'm so sorry for your loss. :( I have been reading your blog for awhile now and find you to be such an inspirational person. Wishing you peace and healing during this difficult time.

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  25. I am so terribly sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you and your family.

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  26. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My husband and I lost our first and only child at 32 weeks. Allow yourself to grieve however you see fit. Nobody can tell you how or how long to grieve. Be gentle with yourself.

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    1. Oh, that is just awful. I am so sorry. Sending you so much love. <3

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  27. Hi Yasi- I've followed you on IG for a little while now. I wanted to let you know that I suffered a miscarriage at the same time as you and am so sorry for your loss. I also had to have a D&C and have been recovering these last few weeks. It was (and still is) a terrible experience and I feel your pain, literally. It was comforting to know that you were going through the same thing, even though I don't know you. Thank you for sharing you story-- you've given me the strength to share my own. Wishing you a peaceful recovery.

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    1. I am so so sorry that you went through the same thing. But I'm happy that I helped in whatever way that I did. You are so strong. Sending you so much love. SO MUCH! <3

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  28. Yasi, I am so sorry for your loss. I too share in your experience, but I am here to offer hope. I experienced 3 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy, and I thought I would never be a mom. But God & medical science work in mysterious ways. After my ectopic pregnancy, my husband & I were lucky enough to adopt a child (our "Miracle Baby"), and two weeks later, I became pregnant again! This time, all went well with the pregnancy and I was able to give birth to our SECOND "Miracle Baby"! We are doubly blessed! That was over 25 years ago, and I know that medical science has greatly advanced since then. Keep up your spirits and give yourself time to heal, both physically & emotionally. But don't give up hope...the end of your story is yet to be written. Best wishes to you.

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    1. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with me, Rella. It's always wonderful to hear that it will work out in the end. <3 <3

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  29. I think every failure and loss teaches us more and make more strong to us, unless when we seems little bit insecure and felling low that's moments give to strength and make us best attitude to deal thank kind of occurred situation.I hope you will now enough strong!

    Thank Regard's
    Seeffan
    Bridal Party Dresses

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  30. I am so sorry to hear about everything that had happened in your life! But I am so glad you are feeling better. You are wonderful person inside out!

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  31. Yasi - you are strong to put a voice to your experience, much LOVE to you and hubby!

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  32. All my love girl. That's the hardest thing EVER to experience. :(

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  33. You're very courageous to share your story. I experienced 2 miscarriages. Give yourself time to heal. The pain and loss never truly go away but with time the good days outnumber the bad. It's been 10 years since my first miscarriage and today I'm blessed with 2 beautiful children. I always remember my 2 angels who I know are watching over us. Sending you love and prayers.

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  34. Healing thoughts and prayers to you, Yasi. I had a miscarriage 33 years ago and it still makes me sad. So many possibilities, dreams and hopes that hinged on that pregnancy seemed to vanish there and then, never to return in quite the same way. But it taught me a valuable lesson: for every low point in one's life, like this one, there is a better and happier day ahead. Two years later, I was blessed with a baby girl. Have faith in the future.

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  35. I am just now getting onto the blog to read more (which I unfortunately haven't done in a while and was just following on Instagram) I'm so sorry to hear of your unfortunate event but, with that said, you are so resilient and I know God(or whoever you may believe in) has a plan for you.....in a great way! I'm sorry for your loss and send my deepest condolences and am so happy to see you get back to feeling like yourself again and of course, we've missed you and your wonderful posts! Stay strong lady! You are an inspiration to us all. Best wishes and all the best that life had to offer!! ❤️❤️❤️��

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  36. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I had a miscarriage and D & C 2 years ago. Its absolutely devastating. The good news is, as you said, with time, it gets better. (Although getting pregnant again was terrifying and nerve-racking, that experience made giving birth to a beautiful baby boy even more unbelievable) Sending lots of love!

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